What Does Psychodynamic Counselling Mean?

If you've been looking for a counsellor, you may have come across the term psychodynamic counselling and wondered what it actually means.

It's not exactly everyday language.

You might also be wondering whether the type of counselling really matters. Will you be expected to talk endlessly about your childhood? Will the counsellor sit silently analysing everything you say? And how can talking about the past possibly help with something that's troubling you today?

Psychodynamic counselling is much more ordinary and human than the terminology can make it sound.

At its heart, it's about becoming curious about why we feel, think and relate to people in the ways that we do.

We don't leave our past behind

All of us are shaped by our experiences.

From our earliest relationships, we gradually learn things about ourselves, other people and the world around us. We learn whether it feels safe to depend on somebody, whether our feelings will be listened to and what we need to do to feel accepted or secure.

Many of the ways we learn to cope are incredibly useful at the time.

The difficulty is that we can carry these ways of protecting ourselves into adulthood long after the circumstances that created them have changed.

Someone who learnt that expressing anger caused conflict, for example, might become very good at keeping everybody else happy. As an adult, they may find themselves agreeing to things they don't want, struggling to set boundaries or feeling guilty whenever they put their own needs first.

Another person might desperately want close relationships while finding themselves pulling away whenever somebody gets too close.

Often we know what we do without really understanding why we do it.

Psychodynamic counselling gives us somewhere to become curious about that.

Why do I keep doing the same thing?

People sometimes come to counselling because they notice that something seems to keep repeating.

Perhaps relationships start differently but somehow end in remarkably similar ways.

Perhaps you repeatedly find yourself taking responsibility for everybody else.

You might continually worry about disappointing people, find criticism particularly painful, struggle to trust others or notice that the same feelings of not being good enough appear at work, at home and in relationships.

It can be frustrating.

You may even find yourself thinking: "I know I do this. Why can't I just stop?"

Understanding something intellectually and being able to change it emotionally aren't always the same thing.

Psychodynamic counselling is interested in those recurring patterns—not to find somebody to blame, but to understand how they developed and what purpose they may once have served.

Sometimes simply recognising a pattern is the beginning of having more choice about whether you continue it.

Does psychodynamic counselling mean talking about childhood?

Sometimes—but not necessarily.

Your childhood isn't a checklist that has to be worked through.

We might talk about earlier experiences when they seem relevant to what's happening for you now. At other times, most of a session might be about something that happened yesterday.

The important part isn't simply when something happened.

It's understanding how your experiences may connect.

Something happening today can sometimes stir feelings that seem surprisingly powerful. Exploring those feelings together can help us understand why a particular situation affects you in the way that it does.

The past becomes useful when it helps us make sense of the present.

The relationship with your counsellor matters too

One of the things that distinguishes psychodynamic counselling is the attention given to the relationship developing between counsellor and client.

That might initially sound slightly strange.

But relationships don't happen in isolation. We all bring expectations, fears and ways of relating into new relationships—including counselling.

You might worry that I'll judge something you tell me.

Perhaps you find yourself wanting to give the "right" answer.

You may worry about disappointing me, find silence uncomfortable or feel irritated by something I've said.

Rather than seeing these moments as something going wrong, we can sometimes become curious about them.

What happens between us may offer another way of understanding what happens in relationships elsewhere in your life.

This doesn't mean analysing every word or reaction. It means paying attention to what seems important and thinking about it together.

Will you tell me what I should do?

Generally, no.

There may be occasions when practical information is useful, but counselling isn't primarily about receiving instructions.

You probably already have plenty of people who can tell you what they think you should do.

My role is different.

I want to understand what something means to you.

If you're struggling with a relationship, for example, I won't decide whether you should stay or leave. Instead, we might explore what keeps you in the relationship, what makes leaving difficult, what you fear might happen and whether anything feels familiar about the situation.

The aim isn't for me to make your decisions.

It's for you to understand yourself sufficiently well to make decisions that feel genuinely yours.

What does a psychodynamic counselling session feel like?

There's no standard session.

Sometimes you'll arrive with something very specific that you want to talk about. On another week, you may sit down and have absolutely no idea where to begin.

Both are okay.

I won't arrive with a worksheet or a predetermined subject that we have to cover.

Instead, we start with whatever feels present for you.

There might be laughter. There might be sadness. There may be silences while you're trying to find the words for something that's difficult to describe.

Over time, connections can begin to emerge.

Things that previously seemed unrelated may start making more sense.

Is psychodynamic counselling right for me?

No single approach suits everybody.

Psychodynamic counselling may particularly appeal to you if you want to understand yourself more deeply rather than concentrating only on reducing a particular symptom.

It can be helpful when you're experiencing anxiety, relationship difficulties, low self-esteem, loss, repeated patterns or simply a feeling that something isn't quite right—even when it's difficult to explain exactly what that something is.

You don't need to understand psychodynamic theory to benefit from psychodynamic counselling.

And you certainly don't need to arrive already knowing what the problem is.

Sometimes discovering that is part of the work.

Understanding rather than judging yourself

Perhaps the part of psychodynamic counselling I value most is the shift from asking:

"What's wrong with me?"

towards asking:

"I wonder why this makes sense for me?"

The behaviours and feelings we criticise in ourselves often have a history.

Understanding that history doesn't mean we're trapped by it.

Quite the opposite.

When we begin to understand why we respond as we do, we may find that there are other ways of responding available to us.

And sometimes that curiosity can be the beginning of change.